We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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