i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
