do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
