Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
