If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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