So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
