dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
