You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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