We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
