I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize