We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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