wrigley field is MILF paradise
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
