do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
