I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
