I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
