I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
