Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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