I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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