Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
