I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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