i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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