I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
