it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize