just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
