I don't usually arrange sex via text message
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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