rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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