shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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