Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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