So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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