I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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