He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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