She is in my trunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
