your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I looked at my own cervix.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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