not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
