my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
