I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize