I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
