So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
