I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize