im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
