I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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