My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
