I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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