I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
