Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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