you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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