Can Purell be used as lube?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
