If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
