So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my poor anus
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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