its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the day after is always just damage control
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
