YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
