I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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