Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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