She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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