She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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