I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
