i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
