i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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