My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
