like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
