Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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