here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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