If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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