I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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