You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I believe in your delicious
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
